I figured… while my memories are still fresh and sweet, I wanted to help my fellow girls out there… in choosing the right man for themselves… I mean, I did just get out of a break up myself right, so who better to tell you what kind of guys not to pick, then me? Trust me… it’ll help. Here’s a list of things you should look out for in a boy to make you want to run for the exit!
1. If he’s extra sweet – yeah like… typical Jannat style, or Ajab Prem Ki Gazab Kahahi style… if he’s one of those guys who are just cavety sweet, stay away my friend… because the first few months is not when you judge someone… that’s when their still trying to be who you want them to be, rather than being who they are! Don’t fall for his wooings… because eventually they will dry out and fade away and you’d be left thinking, what just happened? Your much better off with a guy who tells you as it is to your face from day one. Harsh, but it will surely last!
2. If he leaves his friends for you – oooooh no. no no. don’t EVER buy that shit… a. because he’s not going to do it for too long and b. sooner or later, you’ll be the bitch his buddies hate for taking him away… and when you want more time with him later, he’ll blame you for losing his own friends… trust me, it’s a mess your better off without.
3. A guy who buys you EVERYTHING – because you really don’t want a guy who spends alot of money on you… i know you think you do… but you actually don’t. Because in the end, when it’s over… you’ll be looking around your room thinking, what ALL do I exactly throw away? Everything will remind you of him… your accessories, your shoes, your clothes, your PHONE, your teddy bear, your key chain, your wallet, your bag, your ring, and in some sad cases like mine, even your fucking DOG. That you both got together… not something you can get rid of exactly.
4. If he has a lot of family – Don’t go for a guy with a huge family… because if you guys are serious you’ll probably get all attached to him, and then it’s all over and they’ll be all fake with you and all ‘oh im sure it will work out’ just so that you don’t freak them out by crying and shit and then eventually you won’t want to talk to them and he’ll be all busy with his relatives the whole time and won’t even miss you much… so there are less chances of him missing you. Date an Orphan!
5. Never date a man who’s favorite film is ‘A Lot Like Love’ – I mean come on… what is it with that film? I agree it’s good… but if you end up dating a guy who’s favorite film you KNOW is A lot like Love.. and a year later he says I’m sorry but I’ve just fallen out of “love” with you… well, it’s not him you should be blaming is it… it’s you who’s stupid for dating that fucker! You obviously KNOW his idea of love is not Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind… his idea of love is having sex the first time you meet in an airplane… probably parting ways, having lots and lots of more sex with other people… bumping into each other again… having more sex… then going off to different people and having sex with them.. then having sex… oh I’m sorry, making “love” nude infront of the moon and taking pictures of it… and then going off again.. and in the end, well… you’ve fucked so many times at so many different occasions… that you start thinking you were destined to be together. So if you’ve just broken up, its OKAY… he’s probably fantasizing the rest of yours’ and his life together meeting at intervals and having mind blowing sex together before your 30 and you end up with each other for real. So chill.
Or maybe… I’d suggest… Run!!
6. A guy behaves really ‘Sensitive’ and ‘oh my god, this world is so mean’ - Puhlleeeaasseee.. stay away from those freaks will you?! The whole… “I’m so depressed… what has this world come to? People have to beg for water… they have to pay for a thing as small as water… something that is every human beings right.”…. Right my fucking ass. you don’t give a shit! He’s probably just faking it…. such people, who often say “I don’t like socializing because it’s depressing how people are so sweet on the face and then so mean to each other behind their backs”… are basically hypocrites, who are far from accepting the fact that we, the ones that ACCEPT that we are often selfish and hypocrites are better off then they are… because we don’t hide it. And we do socialize. We don’t whine. And trust me, they will TURN back on you… every single time. Their like… a kind of psychopath categorized men. really. it’s seriously harmful.
7. Guys who compare what you share with them, with their Ex, who actually dumped them for another guy - That’s a really risky category to enter… because you don’t really know them till you’ve been with them… a guy who says he was better off with his ex because they never fought… because they never remembered each others anniversaries, or birthdays, or spent any time together, or did anything together even remotely meaningful and eventually she moved on to screw other men and leave him, well… if THAT’s what he’s looking for… what are you still doing there??? Save this page on your phonebook, and get out of his house. Run. Jump out of the window, whatever. U don’t want to be compared to some bitch who didnt even know the meaning of love. then again, those are the girls who ALWAYS keep men on their toes. so maybe u should go be more like her. but with someone else.
8. The one’s who say they just want to make you smile - hahahahahahahahahaha… right… that’s helarious. I’m not even going to BOTHER with explaining this one. Seriously. doesn’t just the sound of that make you laugh? tell him he just made you smile, and that’s the furthest he will ever go…. so he can bugger off.
9. Guys that say they “love it when you get angry” - uh… yeah. REALLY? hold on… put yourself on a itzy bitzy test if you really think he means it, be your self for about.. mmm… 3 months.. stay the same… get angry whenever you wish to… and then see his reaction.. the “love” for anger, was more like “love” to get you in bed by praising the shit he hates the most.
10. Don’t date a guy who hasn’t had many experiences… not many girlfriends… if you really like him, wait till he’s “moo marofied” everywhere first… because if you let him have you before that, he’ll get over you after a year or so, and then regret not having been with more girls before you! and then you’ll regret not regretting this decision back then… if you know what i mean!
11. Don’t date a guy who lives to far - he may travel for you every single day, right now. he may even do it for another 5 months… but that’s as far as it will go before you start getting shit for how “he can’t travel this far every fucking day, he’s tired”.. and that’s like “tired enough to go see my friends 30 minutes from your house and an hour from mine and booze out with them but might just fall asleep or ruin my life if i travel the extra mile.”
12. Don’t date a guy who thinks your too good for him from day one… - you know why? Eventually.. he will leave you because you ARE too good for him! It’s just the truth. He’ll get burdened by your qualities and talents and feel like he could never match up to it, and go around saying he can’t live upto your expectations … which is a really funny way to put it, if you ask me.
13. Never date a guy who’s on FaceBook!! - simplest reason ever… you will KEEP frigging checking his FUCKING account… all day long… it’s difficult not to. You want to know what he’s getting up to… you want to know all the girls he’s speaking to. you want to see his messages and his chats and everything even though it’s over and that’ll only hurt you more so why don’t you just save yourself the trouble of having to analyze every little word he says, and find a man who isn’t on the frigging website?!
14. Find a guy without a phone… if he has a phone, you’ll always check his messages… his call log, or his pictures for porn. you may not find anyyy of it… but you will check. and when it’s over, you’ll call non stop… just to talk… so rather than insulting yourself and losing all self respect, I think it’s better you make a boyfriend who doesn’t have a phone. who uses the PCO to call you when he’s ruining late.. aw. cute.
15. Don’t date a guy who falls in “louv” with you whaaay too soon – … because for them, love is like a swimming pool.. They can just get in, get out, and dry themselves. it’s that simple to get OUT of love…. and you don’t want such a man… because he gives you absolutely no support… and when it’s over, you’ll keep asking for another chance… but hey, “don’t you get it? I just DON’T love you anymore!”… mmm… I get it.
Anyway… so umm… basically… you choose a guy, who’s not nice, won’t leave his friends with you, is extremely broke, is an orphan who doesn’t like Ashton kutchers’ chick flick A lot like Love, Is a complete jerk and likes to socialize, doesn’t have a bitchy ex that you get compared to, isn’t really THAT interested in making you smile, doesn’t necessarily like it when you get angry, has had a lot of experience, which means he probably has AIDS or HIV or alot of STD’s by now… someone doesn’t think your too good for him, lives pretty much in the same Zip Code, and doesn’t fall in love with you in the first 3 months… oh, and yeah, isn’t on Facebook, and doesn’t have a phone either (:
I think that’s about it…. ! With this list, you should be good to go.
P.S. Haha, guys… Please take it all with good humor… xx